I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize