Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
