We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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