Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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