I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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