I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
