All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
