Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
