This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
