Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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