What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
