You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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