I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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