I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
