Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
