yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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