And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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