New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
