im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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