that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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