I wanna bring you to show and tell
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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