you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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