Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
