did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
