I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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