You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
