dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
