Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
