I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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