A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
