I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
