I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
