due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
