she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
birth control should be required to get into college
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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