You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
