You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
