I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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