actually, I'm a sock model
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
