Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
