I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
