i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
