god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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