I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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