He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
