he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
