Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
