Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
