My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
