Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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