it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize