thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
