I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
