I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
