I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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