Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
