I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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