Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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