Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
