sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How does one acquire holy water?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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