Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
