Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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