Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
