People with herpes should wear stickers.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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