I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
