Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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