Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize