I love black thongs
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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