I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
