When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
