i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
