when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize