I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
