I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
