Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
