my phone needs a breathalizer
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
