someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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