smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
