I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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