He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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