I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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