I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
