Cold hands, warm shart.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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