And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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