Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I looked at my own cervix.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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