On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
