you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My dick has a subreddit
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize