I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
