i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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