Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
