You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
