i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am one with the molecules
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
