don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
