Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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