She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
