Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
